My wife’s favorite store is Target. I swear, she probably goes there twice maybe three times a week. It doesn’t really matter to me, except when I have to schlep around the store with her. I often stay in the car, but once in a while I forget my good sense and go in with her. (Usually because I have to go to the bathroom.)
One particular time, I agree to put myself through this torture chamber. So we go to the bathroom located next to the pharmacy. Alison also has to go so, like a gentleman, I motion for her to go first. (I’m secretly hoping that it will earn me some goodwill I can later dip into when I start complaining like a child about having to walk around this store for an hour.)
Before she is able to go inside, an employee–obviously in a hurry–cuts in front of both of us and goes in, locking the door behind her. So we take a seat on the bench conveniently placed by the door. Well, it is taking an inordinate amount of time and both of us are crossing our legs and sighing. Then we hear what sounds like talking from the bathroom. I am suddenly wondering, did miss something here?
I ask my wife, “Is she in there with someone?”
Alison says, “No. She is talking on her walkie-talkie.”
Not known for my patience, I’m now made more irritable with every passing second. I say, “Screw this.”
Alison gets alarmed. “What are you going to do?”
Remember she has been married to me for a long time and she knows that just about anything is possible. But as I said before, I am gentleman. I simply walk over to the door and give it my best police knock. You know the loud cracking of the knuckles that cops give a door right before they ram it down with search warrant in hand.
Turns out this does the trick. You guessed it, out comes out the embarrassed party. Actually, I don’t think she was embarrassed at all but honestly, I couldn’t care less. Hell, I have to pee. You know what I mean?
Alison goes in and comes out. Cool, I go in right after her.
I do my business and then, greatly relieved, exit. Feeling happy and proud of myself, I give a wide-eyed, double thumbs-up to a woman who is standing right where I had left Alison. Small problem: my wife is around the corner. Apparently her vantage point allows her to watch me make a fool of myself, and she is hysterically laughing. She says in a sweet voice, “Over here, honey.”
I have to admit that it was pretty funny and couldn’t help but join in laughing. Wish I could have seen that poor woman’s face. She must have been terrified to go in there! Wouldn’t you be?
Another Magoo Moment for you. Hope you laughed. Later.