So I am at the Brickyard the other day. This is a CrossFit gym in South Windsor where I choose to torture myself and have, unbelievably, convinced my long suffering wife to not only drive me there but join this group of crazy people.
Well, I have been attending classes there for about a year now and Alison doesn’t feel the need to follow me around as if I am a small child walking around the back yard looking for a nice warm dog turd to pick up and pop into my mouth as if it’s a chocolate. (I know, I know, it’s an unnecessary metaphor but, what can I say? I thought it would make you laugh.) Anyways, I make my way over to the rowing machine where I start the day’s assigned warm up-routine.
Now I am in the process of rowing when this woman gets on the machine next to me. She is wearing dark clothing and a funky purplish sneaker and her hair appears short. Just like my wife’s.
In a flirty tone that I often mistake for charming, I say, “I was hoping you would come down here.”
I hear a moment of silence followed by a small laugh. I am not concerned because I know Alison is not all that thrilled to be here and could possibly be a little irritated with me. I am not offended by this apparent brush-off and continue rowing.
I think this evolution is to last five minutes or so and, since I cannot see the screen in front of me, I either rely on Alison to tell me to stop or I try to figure out when the rest of the class stops moving. If either of these doesn’t work, the coach will come over and say something along the lines of, “Hey Magoo, we are done.” (Actually, that isn’t true. The coaches are really very nice. My fellow classmates, on the other hand, especially the ones who know me, feel no compunction about saying such things to me.)
Ok, so I am rowing next to ‘Alison,’ and I can tell she is finished. I have noted that she hasn’t said a thing to me the entire five minutes. Not alarming, but a little unusual just the same.
We put the rowing machines back and make our way over to the wall for a ‘dead frog’ stretch and, of course I am following ‘Alison.’ I get into position between her and another person similarly attired. Short hair, dark clothing and bright purple sneakers. But this woman says to me “hi honey.”
I do what had comes natural to me, as I have found myself in this sort of situation more and more as of late. I confront it.
I told my actual wife that I thought it was her who I’d been rowing next to, and I tell her what I’d to said to the poor woman. I do so in a loud voice so that the other woman can hear me as well. Fortunately there is laughter all around especially when this other woman expresses her initial reaction to me. She said to us, “I thought, my, this guy is awfully friendly.”
This is a pretty good reaction to a guy who had tattoos all up and down his arms and legs, has a big crazy scar in the back of his head, needs a shave and is wearing a stupid t shirt designed to draw attention to himself. In a word, expressed by my sixteen-year-old daughter when I told her the story, “creepy.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Another truly unique Magoo Moment. Hope it made you chuckle. Later.”